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Wednesday, July 02, 2008

 


The Final Word: On July 4th, 66 hot dogs is par for the course
Last July Fourth, a guy by the name of Joey Chestnut won the 92nd annual hot-dog-eating contest at Nathan's Famous in Coney Island. He downed 66 hot dogs — and buns — in 12 minutes.
He beat out six-time champion Takeru Kobayashi of Japan, who was able to swallow only 63 hot dogs, which was eight more than his personal best but still not good enough. Kobayashi, often dubbed "the greatest eater of all time," blamed a jaw injury on his defeat.
And now comes the news that Tiger Woods won't be playing any more golf this season because of a torn knee ligament and double stress fracture, injuries that obviously hindered his game, too.
Maybe the two should switch sports.
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I've always thought Tiger looked a little too lean. A few dozen hot dogs would do him good. And now that he has dropped out of this summer's tourneys, he has enough time on his hands to drop by Friday's competition at Nathan's, which everyone agrees is the Super Bowl of these events. We wouldn't expect Tiger at anything less.
But he'll have to be up on his game. Chestnut will be there defending his title against 21 other competitors. There's more pressure this year, too: The competition is now only 10 minutes.
As for Kobayashi's golf game, I don't have a clue if he knows a birdie from a bogey. But you don't really need your jaw to play a round of golf. Other than uttering a few obscenities along the way.
And a good walk around a few golf courses might do him a bit of good, being a competitive eater and all.
There are hundreds of such eaters now. With and without jaw injuries. Competitive eating is one of the fastest growing "sports" in America.
There's a man in Brooklyn who can eat 49 doughnuts in eight minutes. There's a woman who ate 44 lobsters in 12 minutes. (She had downed 21 grilled cheese sandwiches the week before.)
Personally, I don't get it. What's the rush? Where are they going?
I'll confess to eating a whole box of Krispy Kreme doughnuts once. While it took far less time than I would have thought, I didn't make a fool of myself by jamming them all in my mouth at once. I was raised better than that. I ate one. Then another. And another. And so on. I think it took an hour. A respectable amount of time.
And if I wanted to eat 44 lobsters in one sitting, which I think I could since it's one of my favorite foods, why do it in 12 minutes? I think 12 hours would be better. That would be about 31/2 lobsters an hour. One every 20 minutes or so. Civilized.
Warm a tub of butter, grab a few bibs, set a nice leisurely pace, and we've got ourselves half a day of good eating.
The challenge, I think, would be keeping the conversation going for 12 hours. Considering the woeful decline in the art of table talk, I'm not even sure it could be done. But let's give it a try.
Call me when the water's boiling. Happy Fourth
.

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