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Saturday, July 05, 2008
KRIEGER: Eating's top dogs eye wiener's circle
By Dave Krieger, Rocky Mountain News (Contact)
Friday, July 4, 2008
It was everything they said it would be and more. It was a bun buzzer beater, the first dog-off in Fourth of July history.
You can have your all-Williams Wimbledon final. Text me when Federer-Nadal is over. I'll take the great Kobayashi ("The Tsunami"), aging now, trying to fend off the American upstart, Joey "Jaws" Chestnut of San Jose, Calif.
The greatest gurgitators in the world met Friday before an overflow crowd at Coney Island, as they do each year on the Fourth of July. As you may know, a pall had been cast over the sport by an injury to the great Kobayashi. He had come down with the dreaded arthritis of the jaw, a potentially career-ending injury in the world of gurgitation.
There was some suspicion that this injury was responsible for Chestnut's upset last year, which snapped the great Kobayashi's six-year winning streak.
Fortunately, ESPN traveled to Tokyo to review his treatment. It was sort of like watching LaDainian Tomlinson lift weights. There was the great Kobayashi, slowly flexing his jaw and pursing his lips. He insisted the condition would not hamper him at the 93rd edition of Nathan's Famous Hot Dog Eating Contest.
Controversially, there was also a sudden change in the rules this year. The time limit went from 12 minutes to 10. Apparently, somebody did some research and found out that was the deal back in 1916 or something.
"We just wanted to preserve the sanctity of the game," explained George Shea, co-founder of the International Federation of Competitive Eating, which changed its name recently to Major League Eating, owing to its rapid rise into the ranks of major American sports. "We decided we've got to do the right thing."
With the mushrooming popularity of competitive eating came an MLE video game, of course.
"In the video-game world, it's guilt-free calories," veteran gurgitator "Crazy Legs" Conti pointed out. "For me, I have to run those calories off."
One challenger to the Kobayashi-Chestnut hegemony this year was expected to be Pat "Deep Dish" Bertoletti, of Chicago.
Bertoletti is a 2007 culinary-school graduate. "The irony is pretty amazing, in that aspect," he told ESPN.
George Shea's brother, Rich, the other co-founder of MLE, was the analyst on the telecast, which seems like a possible conflict of interest, like Bud Selig's brother, Mr. Magoo, doing analysis on national baseball telecasts. I'm thinking ESPN ombudsman Le Anne Schreiber might want to look into this.
Rich Shea's commentary did tend toward the promotional. For example, he pointed out that while "lesser sports" such as baseball and basketball changed their rules to promote scoring, Major League Eating did the opposite, shortening the competition, and thereby reducing scores, in the name of integrity. I have to agree that MLE is better known for integrity than either of the other sports he named, but it's a tad immodest for one of the co-founders to point it out.
Anyway, Chestnut dethroned the great Kobayashi last year, 66 hot dogs and buns to 63. The great Kobayashi's injury and the change in the time limit brought a heightened level of intrigue to the rematch. Even tiny Sonya "The Black Widow" Thomas and "The Lovely" Juliet Lee, cranberry-sauce-eating champion of the world, were overshadowed, which is hard to do.
"She has a great facility with the hot dog," Rich Shea marveled, speaking of Lee.
The great Kobayashi, known in MLE circles as the Tiger Woods of eating, is also a great showman. In the past, he has dyed his hair yellow or red for the Fourth. Last year, he went with his natural brown, which did not work out. This year, he had a mix of yellow and red.
"A little bit like Carrot Top meets Amy Winehouse," Rich Shea observed.
The great Kobayashi had a lot to live down. Not only had he lost his crown, he experienced an embarrassing moment at the end of last year's contest when a judge had to rule whether a "reversal" had occurred. In competitive eating, a reversal, which carries automatic disqualification, is when . . . well . . . you can probably imagine.
Anyway, like I said, the rematch was everything advertised. Chestnut had the early lead. The great Kobayashi caught him late. Chestnut's face was covered with bits of soggy bread from dunking the buns and dogs in water and ramming them down his throat.
The great Kobayashi was methodical as ever, cannonballing the dogs down nearly whole.
"Kobayashi has that throat power," Shea noted. "It's almost reptilian."
When the 10 minutes were up, the two were tied at 59. Exhausted and burping, they were forced into the famous five-dog eat-off, known for short as a dog-off. A lot like the shootout in hockey. Chestnut finished first.
"I think I lost because I wasn't quick enough in the rematch with the five hot dogs," the great Kobayashi said through a translator, with the insight we have come to expect.
"A little bit messier than I wanted to be, but I got 'em in me, got 'em down, and that's all I had to do," said Chestnut, after wiping off his face.
The greatest gurgitational competition ever? That, my friends, will be debated for many years to come.
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