The dearly departed George Carlin wouldn't want a moment's silence in his honour. He'd want someone to crack a joke, maybe a beer and a joke.
So let's have a few laughs by recalling some of the great comic's funniest sports-related material. You remember the best of his biting commentaries, don't you? His take on the differences between baseball and football?
“Baseball is played on a diamond, in a park, a baseball park. Football is played on a gridiron, in a stadium sometimes called Soldier Field and War Memorial Stadium … In baseball, they have the seventh-inning stretch. In football, it's the two-minute warning.”
Carlin took great delight in noting how football was all about violence, which was why teams had nicknames like the Raiders. “What about the victims? The Virginia Victims have the ball, first and 10.”
`Here are a few more of Carlin's sporting observations as found on the Internet as news of his death circulates:
“Competitive eating isn't a sport. It's one of the seven deadly sins. ESPN Recently televised the U.S. Open of Competitive Eating, because watching those athletes at the poker table was just too damned exciting. What's next, competitive farting? Oh wait, they're already doing that. It's called 'The Howard Stern Show.'
“If you need to shave and you still collect baseball cards, you're a dope. If you're a kid, the cards are keep sakes of your idols. If you're a grown man, they're pictures of men.
“Stop giving me that pop-up ad for classmates.com. There's a reason you don't talk to people for 25 years. Because yu don't particularly like them! Besides, I already know what the captain of the football team is doing these days - mowing my lawn.”
Rest in peace, George. We'll miss your wicked observations and your imaginative use of profanity, too.
